Fun to Write

Get This Book to Begin Healing From Sexual Abuse

I'm currently reading "The Sexual Healing Journey" by Wendy Maltz. I have to say that, in my opinion, this is one of the best books a sexual abuse survivor can read.

Wendy is a sexual abuse therapist, who has experienced rape herself, and she knows exactly how we feel. The book is filled with exercises and real life case studies taken from her years of experience with her clients.

It's a very heavy read, and very graphic.

But, if you've been through any type of sexual assault, I think you'll immediately be able to relate to everything that's being discussed.

Wendy really gets under your skin, and doesn't pull any punches when it comes to sexual abuse scenarios, or what type of feelings you're having about this awful thing that happened to you.

The contents of this book have made me cry several times, but it has also made me feel refreshingly normal. I finally realize that all of those feelings, thoughts and experiences I've had over the years, are the kinds of things that all survivors go through.

The book takes you through the guilt and shame, and shows you coping strategies to use in order to not let the memories (and emotional triggers), overwhelm you.

I personally am very grateful for Wendy for writing this book. I understand now that I've been suffering from PTSD, and knowning this gives me a great sense of relief. It's like so many things make sense to me now. I am moving forward on my healing journey, and I'm stronger for it.

Get this book and start your own healing journey today.

Killing Your Molester

A woman guns down her son's molester in court. She was afraid the criminal justice system would let this guy out again, and that he'd keep terrorizing her son and other young boys.

A teenage boy stabs his molester 55 times after he'd had enough of being manipulated into allowing an older man to have sex with him. He and his family realized afterward that they'd been "groomed" by a "friend" of the family.

As I watched both of these stories unfold today on Oprah, a strong feeling came over me that I needed to publicly speak out.

It's no longer necessary for me to keep the secret any more.

My deep, dark secret is . . .

I was molested as a young child.

This secret has affected my life in unpleasant ways. Ways in which I'm just now coming to terms with.

When I talked to my good friend last week, I told her about keeping this all bottled up inside for most of my life. You see, originally I kept the secret because I was told to do so by people I loved and trusted. My molester was related to them, and well, I understand now how telling my dad about what happened woud have complicated things in my life and theirs.

But now, there's absolutely no way that I'm going to remain silent about this anymore. And, really, this kind of thing comes out in one way or the other anyway - usually in a way that damages us.

As I told my friend, I've always had big dreams for myself, but something has been blocking me from achieving what I want most in life. I've always felt that it's all of this baggage that I've been carrying around. You see, my molestation was just the beginning of some unhappy things that happened to me as a young person.

But, does this mean I'm seeking revenge on him?

No. Many years ago, I went through a period of fantasizing exactly how I would get back at this dude. I imagined myself plastering his nice neighborhood with flyers that featured his name and photo. The words "This guy is a child molester" is boldly emblazoned on the bottom.

Everyone he lived around would know what he did to me, and that he is someone who doesn't deserve to be living a normal life, while I have to deal with the pain that he caused me.

But, after awhile, these feelings passed, and I decided to leave his punishment up to God.

The memory of what he did will always be with me, but I don't have to let his actions (which I was not responsible for) destroy my life. I refuse to let this secret continue being a secret.

TC molested me when I was 4 years old. He stole my innocence, and it still causes me pain whenever I think about it too much. But, I will not let it have power over me any more.

It's wrong to kill another human being. And the people who acted out in violence in those two examples above, had to deal with the criminal justice system. Losing your freedom and causing further damage to your life just isn't worth it.

It's okay to be angry at your or your child's molester, but it's not okay to take the law into your own hands.

I believe in karma and the theory that "what goes around comes around".

Most of these predators won't go to jail, but they will have to face their maker some day.

Meanwhile, we molestation survivors have to stick together. It's all about healing and learning to live your life to the fullest. And this is a long journey that takes years.

The best way to kill your molester in your mind, is to speak out about what happened and get it out of your system. I'm glad I'm finally going public with this.

It feels good.

Peace

 

 

How Do You Know if You're a Good Writer?

Many years ago when I was in my early 20s, I remember that I had written this short story about an escaped slave girl and her adventures on the run. I thought it was really good and I had plans to possibly turn it into a book. I could even visualize it as a multi-episode TV series.

And then my dad read it.

When I eagerly asked him what he thought, he pretty much told me that I needed to keep working at it. It was okay, but it didn't have enough drama or interesting things happening in the story. What he meant, but didn't come right out and say, was that it was boring.

What? No praise for his princess?

Oh, man! That was disappointing.

My dad was a self-taught artist who painted portraits. I looked up to him as a person who knew natural talent when he saw it. So, his unenthusiastic review of my not-so-awesome story was a reality check. Of course, individual taste in stories is subjective, and my dad was only one person, but it made me take a second look at what I'd written.

You see, it was a first effort at writing this type of story. Although, I was an avid reader of fiction, and had enjoyed my creative writing assignments in school while growing up, I'd never really taken it too seriously. I had created a decent story, but didn't know how to take it to another level, where real fiction writers earned their gold stars.

I was at the beginning level of my fiction writing journey, and I'd have to keep working on my storytelling skills before others thought that what I created was really good.

When you're first starting out as a writer, it's really easy to fall in love with what you've written and think it's the best thing since sliced bread. But, if you haven't done much writing up to that point, it's more likely to read very amateurish.

And that's okay!

We all have to start somewhere.

In order to get better at writing you have to . . . well, write. And write, and write some more.

If you are someone who is already writing things like: short stories, articles, reports, essays, blog postings, marketing materials, online reviews, powerpoint presentations and white papers, you are already used to expressing yourself with the written word.

You are going to be a better writer than someone who has little experience.

This is just the way it is.

Be realistic about where you're at as a writer.

Are you a beginner?

Or, are you at a more advanced level?

Regardless of where you're at, try to be objective about the quality of your writing. I mean, most of us have read a few good books in our time. We already have an idea of what good writing is.

It's one thing to be proud of your writing. It's another to read it back and KNOW that it ROCKS.

Being a good writer is something that comes with time, practice and dedication.

If your goal is to be the best writer you can be, then you'll earn that gold star status, and readers will enjoy what you've written and let you know it.

Do You Have the Right Stuff to be a Writer?

One of the reasons why you may have never gotten around to writing a book is because you doubt your ability to put pen to paper. This lack of confidence may be due to real, or just imagined, ideas about your writing abilities.

But, the thing is, even experienced writers can have doubt at times, so if you're sitting on the fence waiting for that moment when you'll be the best writer ever, that's never gonna happen.

Instead, focus on getting whatever it is that you want to say down on paper. Get your thoughts out of your head and onto that pad of paper, or computer screen. The instant you do that, you become a writer.

The only thing you need to work on from that point is improving the quality of what you write. The thing about writing is that the more of it you do, the better you'll become. Writing takes practice, practice and more practice.

So, do you have the right stuff to be a writer?  

If you're willing to commit some time and attention to it, then . . .

Absolutely!